I have a love-hate relationship with the sun. I love it on cool, autumn days when it slices through the air temperature to warm my goose-bumped skin. I love it after a cold, dark winter when its rays bring with it the renewed life of spring. I love the way it tones my skin as I lounge and play under its long summer light. I love the way it sparkles off the gentle waves on a quiet lake. I love the way it paints the sky as it rises and sets. Without the sun our planet would be a frozen wasteland in which none could survive. Without its light our plants couldn't produce the oxygen which we breathe. I love it when it's good for me and meets my needs and pleasures.

But that very same sun burns my skin when I linger underneath it too long. I hate it when it turns summer days into a sweltering, sweaty sauna. I hate how it incessantly beats down its heat through the cloudless skies as I hike through the desert. I try to hide in the shade or the air conditioning, but it's always there with its perpetual blaze and its ultraviolet rays. When it makes me uncomfortable or irritated, I turn against my once celebrated ally.

But isn't this also how I treat God? I'm a huge fan when it suits me and meets my needs and makes me feel comfortable and accepted. But when things aren't going my way or I feel like I can do fine on my own, I'm content to live without Him. Not literally without Him. Certainly He continues to uphold me and provide for me despite my traitorous betrayal, which only credits His faithfulness. But I live practically without Him. I forget to pray, or purposefully don't waste the time. I lose sight of His subtle, sovereign workings and attribute them to my own ingenuity or happy coincidence. I turn against the very source of life when in reality He's what I need the most. I'm reminded how fickle my affections really are. I'm reminded how quickly forgetful I can be. I'm reminded that my greatest consistency is my inconsistency. The part that I hate the most is the love-hate relationship.

"God never promises his people smooth sailing in this life; the only thing He promises is a safe port. Some of us may indeed traverse the bloody seas in order to arrive in that mooring." ~ Dr. John Currid

"The discontented person thinks everything he does for God too much, and everything God does for him too little." ~ Thomas Watson, Contentment

"Indeed, there is no middle ground between these two: either the world must become worthless to us or hold us bound by intemperate love of it. Accordingly, if we have any concern for eternity, we must strive diligently to strike off these evil fetters." ~ John Calvin

"He liked as he liked; he seems to have like everybody, but especially those whom everybody disliked him for liking." ~ G.K. Chesterton on St. Francis of Assisi

"For the Son of God, the incarnation meant a whole new set of relationships: with his father and mother; with his brothers and sisters; with his disciples; with the scribes, the Pharisees and the Sadducees; with Roman soldiers and with lepers and prostitutes. It was within these relationships that he lived his incarnate life, experiencing pain, poverty and temptation; witnessing squalor and brutality; hearing obscenities and profanities and the hopeless cry of the oppressed. He lived not in sublime detachment or in ascetic isolation, but 'with us', as 'the fellowman of all men', crowded, busy, harassed, stressed and molested. No large estate gave him space, no financial capital guaranteed his daily bread, no personal staff protected him from interruptions and no power or influence protected him from injustice. He saved us from alongside us."

It's been about two weeks since I've been back and it's taken me this long to sit down and write about the trip. Probably part of that is because I wrote so many blog posts during our trip (you can read them all here) that I got blog-posted out. Part of it is also that I'm working 25 hours a week and taking three grad classes so that pretty much consumes all my time. But I think part of it is also that I don't really know what to say. I've done these kind of trips so many times that I don't feel like I've returned with anything terribly profound or life-changing. Not to say that it wasn't a great trip, in fact it was, one of the best short-term trips I've helped lead. The team was phenomenal, willing to open themselves up and get to know complete strangers, incredibly flexible to serve in any capacity needed, and awesomely adventurous, willing to try new things and experiences. But in helping lead teams like this I put more and more of my attention on how things go for the team and less and less on my own experience. I've been there before and I'm fairly confident I'll go back again, so I do everything I can to help the team have the best trip possible. I help plan fun and meaningful activities. I engage in conversations asking questions to help them evaluate what they're learning and experiencing. I spend hours updating the blog and posting pictures while they're off doing ministry. I do these things because I'm a team leader and the trip is not about me. So when people back home ask me about my trip I have very different answers then they might expect if I had gone on this trip for me. I talk much less about what we did and what I learned and much more about how the team did and what they learned. My highlights are when I can share things that I've come to enjoy with the rest of the team (like rusks and strawberry heavenly bars!) and they enjoy them too. Those are the kinds of things that have become far more important to me. But I don't think supporters and friends back home always understand that, so for me it's been a process of coming to terms that that's ok. So yeah, it was a great trip. Yeah, I wish I was still there. But for now I'm here and quite content that everyone else on the team had the best trip possible. That makes my trip a great success.

The countdown couldn't have gone any slower but it's finally time! Bright and early tomorrow morning I head out to the airport on my way to NY where I'll converge with the rest of our team heading to Namibia. In total there are 13 of us from 5 different states who make up the Nam2010 team. I won't be able to keep up with this blog while I'm gone but you can follow along with our trip at http://nam2010.blogspot.com. We'll make updates about our latest ministry activities and stories along with pictures and hopefully some videos. Please join us on the blog and leave me some love in the comments section!

On Friday we took the Club kids to the zoo for the afternoon to traipse around through the heat seeing all the different wildlife. We only had a few hours so, being with the boys group, we wanted to see everything that has teeth. We saw bears, cougars, lions, gorillas, gators, anything that could kill something. For the most part they were all pretty lazy just chillin in the shade, hiding from the heat and the endless gawkers. The polar bear was the exception, escaping the heat in his arctic pool, showing off for the crowds with his ball. The difference between the zoo and a place like Etosha Wildlife Park in Namibia is that at the zoo the animals are in the cages and the people wander around. In Etosha, it's the people who are in the cages (cars) while the animals wander around. This is the first time I've been to a zoo since I first went to Etosha. The animals themselves are no less captivating. I'm sure I could sit and watch them for hours. But I found myself feeling kinda sorry for the animals held captive in cramped enclosures for the viewing pleasure of endless tourists, especially for the solo ones like the polar bear who had no one around to play with. It makes me glad to have a purpose in life. It reminds me that I'm here for more than just eating and sleeping and entertaining. It challenges me to make the most of the time that I have. It encourages me to look beyond myself and make a difference in the lives of others. And if I get all that from a trip to the zoo, then maybe these animals have more purpose than it originally seems.

Sometimes you can't help but laugh out loud. This conversation took place during our afternoon devotion time in the un-air conditioned chapel...

Kids: It's sooo hot in here!
Don: I know a place where it's even hotter.
Kids: The desert?
Don: No, the place where the devil lives.
Josiah: Mississippi?

:)

I ran across this article by Jonathan Dodson that offers some great, practical ideas on how to be purposeful about interacting with non-Christians and sharing life with them. Mostly I think they're great ideas because at one time or another I've done them all and know their value from personal experience. You can find the original article here. But for everyone else, here's the list...

1. Eat with Non-Christians. We all eat three meals a day. Why not make a habit of sharing one of those meals with a non-Christian or with a family of non-Christians? Go to lunch with a co-worker, not by yourself. Invite the neighbors over for family dinner. If it’s too much work to cook a big dinner, just order pizza and put the focus on conversation. When you go out for a meal, invite a non-Christian friend. Or take your family to family-style restaurants where you can sit at the table with strangers and strike up conversations (Mighty Fine Burgers, Buca di Peppo, The Blue Dahlia, etc). Have cookouts and invite Christians and non-Christians. Flee the Christian subculture.
2. Walk, Don’t Drive. If you live in a walkable area, make a practice of getting out and walking around your neighborhood, apartment complex, or campus. Instead of driving to the mailbox, convenience store, or apartment office, walk to get mail, groceries, and stuff. Be deliberate in your walk. Say hello to people you don’t know. Strike up conversations. Attract attention by walking the dog, taking a 6-pack (and share), bringing the kids. Make friends. Get out of your house! Last night I spend an hour outside gardening with my family. We had good conversations with 3-4 neighbors. Take interest in your neighbors. Ask questions. Engage. Pray as you go. Save some gas, the planet.
3. Be a Regular. Instead of hopping all over the city for gas, groceries, haircuts, eating out, and coffee, go to the same places. Get to know the staff. Go to the same places at the same times. Smile. Ask questions. Be a regular. I have friends at coffee shops all over the city. My friends at Starbucks donate a ton of left over pastries to our church 2-3 times a week. We use for church gatherings and occasionally give to the homeless. Build relationships. Be a Regular.
4. Hobby with Non-Christians. Pick a hobby that you can share. Get out and do something you enjoy with others. Try City League sports. Local rowing and cycling teams. Share your hobby by teaching lessons. Teach sewing lessons, piano lessons, violin, guitar, knitting, tennis lessons. Be prayerful. Be intentional. Be winsome. Have fun. Be yourself.
5. Talk to Your Co-workers. How hard is that? Take your breaks with intentionality. Go out with your team or task force after work. Show interest in your co-workers. Pick four and pray for them. Form mom’s groups in your neighborhood and don’t make them exclusively non-Christian. Schedule play dates with the neighbors’ kids. Work on mission.
6. Volunteer with Non-Profits. Find a non-profit in your part of the city and take Saturday a month to serve your city. Bring your neighbors, your friends, or your small group. Spend time with your church serving your city. Once a month. You can do it!
7. Participate in City Events. Instead of playing X-Box, watching TV, or surfing the net, participate in city events. Go to fundraisers, festivals, clean-ups, summer shows, and concerts. Participate missionally. Strike up conversation. Study the culture. Reflect on what you see and hear. Pray for the city. Love the city. Participate with the city.
8. Serve your Neighbors. Help a neighbor by weeding, mowing, building a cabinet, fixing a car. Stop by the neighborhood association or apartment office and ask if there is anything you can do to help improve things. Ask your local Police and Fire Stations if there is anything you can do to help them. Get creative. Just serve!

"Either we ought to stop spreading the gospel or conform to its teaching amidst such a needy cloud of witnesses as Central Africa presents."
~ from A History of Christianity in Africa by Elizabeth Isichei, regarding missionaries' extravagant living conditions while their congregations remained in poverty

"Much of their time and strength was devoted to the maintenance of a quasi-western lifestyle."
~ from A History of Christianity in Africa by Elizabeth Isichei, regarding early European missionaries to Africa and their failure to attract many converts

Finals are finished, semester's over!  Assuming I pass everything (no reason I shouldn't baring some unknown heresy) I'll be a third of the way through my program, which means at this rate I'll be here another 2 years. Hopefully making some progress with online classes through my summers will drop that to a year and a half. Not too shabby!

I would like to say a special thanks to all who have been faithfully praying for me to find a job since I came to North Carolina. This coming Monday I will start as a Program Aide for the after-school programs at the Boys & Girls Club! I'll stay on through the summer and work with their day camps. When I interviewed for the position a few weeks back they had me stay after to observe their program a bit. The whole thing was so amazing! It'll involve some tutoring, teaching a workshop here and there, and just hanging out. It's pretty much all black kids so it totally reminded me of hanging out at the Ark in Namibia. Not only that, but the four remaining classes I need to take in the fall are all scheduled for the morning or evening, so I can both work and still take classes next fall! God totally provided just the right job for me. He is faithful! Thanks again to all who've been praying.

I was out doing homework at the park the other day. A couple walked up to the lake shore with their dog, near to where two geese were minding their own business. The guy bent down and took the dog's leash off, to which the dog promptly bounded into the lake after these two geese. Despite desperately trying to call him back the couple spent the next few minutes watching helplessly as their dog swam away after these geese. When he finally determined he would never catch them, he turned back to his calling owners. I have just one question, What'd you think he was gonna do!?

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I was utterly surprised and overjoyed this afternoon when I discovered one of my favorite songs was finally available for download! David Crowder's independently released album called "All I Can Say" has up until now been safely hidden in the CD collections of those dedicated fans who've been following him from the very beginning. But now it's available to the masses, much to my glee. There are a few original versions of songs that he has since released on other albums and a few precious gems you won't find anywhere else. I encourage you to check it out!

"You can read night time books in the day too."
~ some random kid to his dad at the library

I've been waiting for something extra special to use for my 100th post so I guess today will fit the bill. Today wasn't the kind of day you go through thinking this is phenomenal, but looking back it's the many little joys that make up a great day.

This morning we had a guest speaker, Alistair Begg, for a lecture series at the seminary. His messages were about the posture of a leader, things like humility, a sense of personal inadequacy, and the strength of weakness. He challenged us, in his Scottish accent, not to have everything figured out but to rely on the sovereign God of the universe, along the way taking some stabs at a few of todays popular Christian authors. I got to chat with him personally for a few minutes during the coffee break and his disposition exemplified that humble confidence of which he spoke.

After the lectures I hit Chick-fil-a for lunch on my way to a job interview. Chick-fil-a in itself makes any day a good day, but on top of that I had a coupon for a free sandwich! The job interview was for a position as a Program Aide at the Boys & Girls Club. They asked me if I could stick around for the after-school club so they could see how I related to the kids. For three hours I hung out with a bunch of west-side black kids helping with homework, watching them on the computers, playing pool. It almost felt like I was back in Africa. I felt more at home with those kids then I do in some of my seminary classes. Even if I don't get the job, I've found a place where I'll go back and volunteer for sure.

Eventually I had to tear myself away from teaching Briana and Gavin how to play pool to head to my evening class. Even class tonight was pretty good. We started in on talking about the NT canon, how we know the books that we have are really the right books. Tonight we went over the Roman Catholic view. Talks like that make me a little overwhelmed at how much our congregations need to know regarding the attacks they'll face from the world. But on the other hand, it stirs in me a passion to teach the truth. And that's exactly how I know there's no other job I would rather do.

So today was definitely a good dose of contentment and worthy of my 100th post.

Yesterday the weather was sunny and 70s so I decide to hit the park for the afternoon. I grabbed my guitar, a picnic dinner, and a book to enjoy the sun and the peace and quiet. I settled in on a bench off in the corner of the park away from most of the action.

A short while later this older blonde lady with too much makeup startled me from behind asking, "Have you seen Norman around?" Her eyes darted amongst the trees so I quickly gathered she was looking for a squirrel whom she had affectionately named. I assumed once she didn't see him she would move along to another bench. But no, she started making small talk about her squirrel friends, pulled out a jar of peanuts and began sprinkling them around on the ground and on the bench.

Now I'm thinking, 'Lady, are you serious? The last thing I want is a bunch of squirrels crawling around while I'm trying to enjoy the peace and quiet! As soon as she leaves I'm chucking those nuts in the woods.'

Then she sat down on the other end of the bench and made herself comfortable waiting for her squirrels to show up.

'You've gotta be kidding me. Do some people really not realize how socially awkward they're being?'

She asked me, "So, how'd you happen to pick this bench?"

"Cause it's away from people," I replied.

"Oh me too."

'Can't even take a hint?'

"For weeks I used to see a guy sitting over here all by himself. Finally I came over and asked him if he was depressed." He was the one who introduced her to the squirrels. 'Great, two people that talk to squirrels.'

"Are you depressed?"

"No."

She proceeded to tell me her story of how she was waiting for her daughter to go walking and how she had been widowed twice but her current husband thinks the world of her. 'I would hope so.' I got the rundown of the kids but unfortunately ('Fortunately.') she left her wallet in the car so she didn't have the pictures. She asked me questions here and there and by this time I'd resigned myself to the fact that she was staying put so I politely played along. Not long ago a guy had broken her heart (coincidentally his name was Mike too) but he said upfront he wasn't marriage material so she should've known better.

"If he broke your heart, why do you keep thinking about him?"

"That's a very good question," she replied.

Eventually her daughter came and they went for their walk, but I couldn't help thinking, 'Some people really have no idea, do they.'

Yet in the course of our conversation I came to realize that she didn't join me because she thought I was lonely. It was her. Maybe she just needed somebody to listen, somebody who hadn't written her off yet. Maybe sometimes the heartbreak gets to be so much you just gotta let somebody know, even if it's a complete stranger. Sure, I know some people are just crazy and some really are socially awkward, but maybe it would make a difference if we were all a little more socially awkward. Maybe not a difference to the world, but maybe a world of difference to that one lonely person.

A few times she said she felt sorry for me having to sit there and listen to her life story, so I think she did realize. I just don't think she cared. I think maybe she was just lonely.