Just asking for trouble

So I've been having this conversation with my young, teenage cousin Meghan, and her cousin on the other side, Katie, and they were telling me about their favorite football teams and getting on my case for liking the Patriots. I felt my response to them was so insightful that you too could gain some valuable wisdom, so I thought I'd share it here.

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Now Meghan, I do have to take issue with your choices. I need to ask why you're a Steelers or a Giants fan? Is it just because they've won Super Bowls recently? Because then you'd just be a bandwagon fan which is not very respectable. Is it just because you think Eli is hot?? That's absolutely NO reason to like a team (it's quite girly), so it also is unrespectable. Because you're from Michigan I would expect you to be a Lions fan, but considering how shamefully BAD they are, a good Lions fan would shake their head in shame, so I'll give you a little grace on that one.

Here's the long and the short of it. If you're gonna be a fan, at least be a good fan! Don't hate people because they're fans of other teams - especially if they're from those place, they should be fans of those teams. And don't hate people just because they're all loud and obnoxious and make fun of your team for no good reason. Just explain to them about what it means to be a good fan, because then you sound very respectable and they just sound lame. People then look up to you because you're knowledgeable and gracious, but they tend to alienate the loud, obnoxious ones. You then get invited to sports parties and even to games sometimes because you know what it means to be a good fan. You also highly increase your chances of getting asked out by a good, cute, respectable guy who's into sports...all because you listened to your older cousin and learned how to be a good fan. ;)

At lunch the cheese was coming out of the shaker very slowly, so Joe unscrewed the cap to sprinkle his. Apparently he didn't screw it on quite tight enough when I went to use it.

At church last night we were all walking up front to take communion and there was nice, soft music playing in the background. It was quite hot in the sanctuary so there were fans all up and down the side aisles. After taking my bread and juice I made my way down the side aisle and knocked into a fan. I went to grab it so it wouldn't fall over, but the cover was broken so my fingers went into the fan blades making an obnoxiously loud sound. Just picture it; it was hysterical.